Part 3, Chapter 39
“The marriage bed should be undefiled, as the Apostle tells us, i.e., pure, as it was when it was first instituted in the early paradise, in which no unruly desires or impure thought might enter” (Introduction to the Devout Life, 152). St. Francis De Sales says it so well! The martial bed is a sacred place. We should look at it this way. Remember what Tobiah said in prayer to God before he consummated his marriage with Sarah, “Now, not with lust, but with fidelity I take this sister as my wife. Send down your mercy on me and on her, and grant that we may grow old together. Bless us with children” (Tobit 8:7). The groom seeing the bride as his sister changes his perspective (not that you would ever have intercourse with your sister), but one doesn’t lust after ones sister either. And that is the point; the marriage bed is not a place of using, taking, and grasping. These all would be forms of lust. Rather marriage is about giving, loving, sharing. Marriage and the marital bed should be TFFF.
Total:
Between a husband and wife, there is no holding back from each other. They give themselves in sexual intercourse as a complete gift to their spouse. In doing this they are saying, “I am yours and you are mine.” As I heard Christopher West once say in similar words, “Why do you think a wife says she has a headache when her spouse wants to have sexual intercourse? She knows when she is being used.” In this case the woman is trying to express that she doesn’t like being used. Thus what she is saying is that she knows that he is using her and not being a total gift to her.
Faithful:
Sexual intercourse only takes place between the husband and wife. It doesn’t happen with anyone who is not their spouse not before marriage, not outside of marriage nor with anyone of the same gender.
Fruitful:
Marriage is always open to life, which is to the conception of children. All acts of sexual intercourse must be open to life. Thus artificial contraception is a violation of this. Natural Family Planning is permissible as long as it is being used with ongoing discernment. What I mean is that there needs to be prayer involved in using NFP and the question should be: God, are you calling me to be open to having more children now, or not? Thus from this the husband and wife can discern with God’s help if they should have sexual intercourse at this time or not. (WHAT A GREAT BLESSING CHILDREN ARE)!!!! (Much more could be said in this area).
Free:
Neither spouse is forcing the other to have sexual intercourse. There is not “you scratch my back and I scratch your back” mentality. They desire to give themselves to each other without any collusion.
The two images on today’s blog are from two books by Christopher West (paraphrased above). Both are very good and recommended reads. The first is a simplified version of Theology of the Body which St. John Paul II gave the Church; this book is Theology of the Body for Beginners . The second book is Good News about Sex & Marriage . Both books are good about teaching why the Church teaches what she does. I would read them in the order that they are found in this blog.
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